The Benefits of Keeping a Care Partner Mentality
…I understood that Joe’s being able to sit at his kitchen table while watching the birds flock to his backyard feeders was one of his daily pleasures. So, in my determination to be helpful, I told him that I’d be happy to take over what to me was his chore of getting the food from heavy bags and filling the feeders daily.
”Honey,” he said, “I do that because I want to do it.” He went on to tell me about the satisfaction he feels when he makes certain that the birds were fed. As he continued to talk, I learned how he’d watch for certain birds to return after migration, and how maddening it was that the squirrels would steal the nuts meant for the bluejays. As he talked, I saw his face light up with joy over his birds, and I finally got it. What I thought was just a kind offer to make his life easier was, to him, an attempt to take away one of his few joys.
Naturally, I worried when winter came and I’d see him tottering out to his garage on the icy sidewalk to reach the bird’s food. That concern spurred me to renew my offer to help, but Joe pointed out how his clothesline was strung so that he could hang on as he walked. He felt perfectly safe. While I could have argued, I understood that this was something he had to do, so I’d have to step back. Of course, I kept my eye on him from a distance, but he continued to do what he loved.
Our care partnership increased our joy
Joe’s walk was unstable due to his Meniere’s disease…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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