Handling Resentment Over Making Sacrifices for Someone Else’s Care
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Most caregivers have some idea of how they intended to spend their lives. But thanks to medical advancements, aging parents are living longer than ever despite serious health conditions, such as dementia, Parkinson’s disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and heart failure. Their care falls to loved ones whose plans and expectations are upended. Resentment isn’t a pretty emotion, but it is nigh impossible to avoid as a caregiver. Furthermore, admitting those feelings to others will not likely bring pats on the back.
Caregivers are left wondering how to handle the fact that they resent being stuck in a situation that seems to leave them few choices. What are our moral obligations? What are we to do as we watch our aging parents or spouses linger on, not living a quality life but not dying either? As with so many things in the caregiving world, there’s no right answer for everyone. Each person, family, financial status and medical situation is different. However, there are always options and changes that can be made. They may not be easy or cheap or ideal, but they at least deserve some consideration.
If you start to feel even a twinge of resentment, it’s time to act. Here are some suggestions for common caregiver scenarios:
- If your parents live in their own home, hire in-home help and learn to get comfortable with the quality of care they are receiving so you can take some time off from caregiving. It may amount to a few hours every other day, a whole week or even a month—whatever meets both your needs and those of your parents.
- If you and your care recipient live together, it is even more crucial for you to look for outside help so you can enjoy some time away from your responsibilities. Because it’s harder for you to completely remove yourself from your caregiving situation, respite should occur on a regular basis. Even a good friend, family member or neighbor may be able to provide respite care for a few hours here and there. Adult daycare is an excellent option for getting seniors out of the house and freeing up some time for caregivers.
- If you quit a paying job to provide care because you were under the impression it was temporary and then realized that it was, in fact, a long-term arrangement, you’re not alone. However…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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