Four Challenging Caregiver Situations
Caregiving throws many challenges our way, including establishing care routines for our elders that are not only challenging, but may be somewhat embarrassing. By approaching these four caregiving situations with dignity and respect, awkard feelings will fade as they eventually become part of your regular care routine.
1. Taking care of “bathroom issues”
Incontinence and trouble with toileting are common among the elderly. Many of you are changing a parent’s incontinence briefs. While I never had to do that, there is a day from my past related to this type of care that is branded onto my brain. My dad had endured one of his many surgeries and was at home recovering. Mom had taken care of his toileting needs since he arrived home from the hospital, however one day when I was sitting with Dad so Mom could go out for awhile, he had to go to the bathroom. I certainly didn’t mind helping him, but my heart was heavy with the thought that, since Dad was still cognitively stable, he would feel that his daughter helping him with such personal needs was embarrassing.
As it turned out, I needn’t have feared. Dad was pragmatic when it came to the human body, and he welcomed my help without any sign of embarrassment. Since I sat with Dad often, I quickly came to the point that the whole process was routine. Still, I’ve never forgotten the emotion involved that first time.
I’ve heard from male caregivers who think nothing of changing their mother’s undergarments. Incontinence care for them is an act of love, just as feeding her would be. Some men, however, feel great embarrassment when they first attempt this physically intimate duty. I don’t believe that their response is the result of prudishness. I sense it’s the same feeling I experienced with my dad. Something seems abnormal about handling a parent’s most personal physical needs. It seems almost disrespectful. Most of us get over this feeling, as we internalize the fact that tending to our loved one’s needs, no matter who the person is or how personal the task, is just one more act of loving care.
2. Giving mom or dad a bath
People differ greatly in their acceptance of needed help. My mother-in-law, Alice, needed assistance while bathing. One would think since we were quite close and of the same gender, that her allowing me to help her bathe wouldn’t have been a huge issue. However, Alice grew up…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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