Life As a Caregiver: How to Make Tough Care Decisions
Many of us feel honored to provide care for our aging parents or ill spouses, but this honor can also present serious challenges.
Even when we’ve had conversations with our loved ones about their wishes under certain circumstances, life is rarely so neat that we’re presented with clear choices of which there is a straightforward “winner.” For this reason, caregivers often need to make tough decisions under sometimes murky conditions.
The responsibility weighs heavily on us, but my personal feeling is that respect for the dignity and legacy of the person we provide care for can be a comforting guide as we travel this trying road. Yes, we may get frustrated or even angry over having to deal with another mess or dilemma. We are human and won’t always handle these situations well.
Having a solid foundation of respect for your care recipient will help you approach these uncomfortable duties in a kinder manner. It’ll enable you to think more clearly, even when you risk your loved one’s anger as you strive to ensure their safety and best interests. This is one way to make caregiving a little easier.
Respect Yourself As a Person and a Caregiver
To make the best decisions, whether for yourself or for someone else, it’s vital to have self-respect. When you’re faced with a difficult choice that affects your loved one, there’s added pressure. You want to know that you’re doing your best to weigh all available options and providing quality care that’s in line with their desires, even if they can’t vocalize them.
Don’t even begin to think about striving for perfection. Aiming for this unattainable goal is a recipe for caregiver burnout. Instead, stick to asking yourself one simple question: Are you doing the best you can under the circumstances? If the answer is yes, then fret no more. That’s all you can require of yourself.
Don’t second-guess past decisions, either. If you feel you’ve made mistakes, learn from them and then move forward without allowing them to affect your self-worth. If you’ve developed a healthy sense of respect for yourself, it’s likely that you will suffer less caregiver guilt. Self-respect is also crucial for setting and maintaining your own boundaries. Caregiving constantly presents difficult situations where your well-being seems to be at odds with that of your loved one. Understanding and respecting your own limitations is mandatory, not optional.
When you must face difficult decisions and realizations, you’ll still feel some pain. For example, placing a loved one in a skilled nursing facility is an upsetting transition for most people, especially those who promised their loved ones…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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