Caregivers: It’s Time to Stop Second-Guessing Ourselves
Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges.
A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible.
One afternoon, it had become evident that Marion was unlikely to last another day. Still, we both acknowledged that it was important for me to attend my oldest son’s first band concert that evening, where he was to play a solo.
With my aunt’s blessing, I went to my son’s concert and, yes, she died during that exact time. I’m grateful I didn’t have to make that choice alone; as a former opera singer, Marion loved music and I felt her approval as I watched my son’s concert while she passed on to better things.
To cure or let go: Here’s another puzzler. My mother-in-law, Alice, was in a care facility, where she’d flourished despite her dementia progressing in the sad way that it does. But then, Alice took a turn for the worse when she came down with pneumonia. She was given antibiotics, but the infection continued to rage. The nurse asked us if we would approve a series of five stronger shots, and we agreed. While the drug miraculously cured her pneumonia, she never came back even close to her baseline, and she lived the last two years with little joy and quality of life.
Did we do the right thing by “saving” her…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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