Dementia Losses Painful, but Focus on What’s Still Possible
Dear Carol: My brilliant wife was diagnosed with dementia at the age of 62. She faced this diagnosis with her trademark courage. I’ve been following recommendations about how to handle various circumstances and I think that I’m doing well for her most of the time. My problem is that I’m not doing well for myself. Inside, I’m so devastated by every memory that she no longer has and every task she can no longer complete that I’m not enjoying her as she is. You can’t fix this, I know, but I had to try to express how I’m feeling, and I knew that you’d respond one way or another. Thank you. – KL
Dear KL: Your struggle is understandable. I’m so sorry for your wife’s losses as well as yours, and you’re right that there’s no fixing this sad situation. Allow yourself to feel this pain without guilt. If the situation were reversed, she’d likely feel the same about your losses. Feeling the pain is tough, of course, but it’s part of finding your way to acceptance of what is. Acceptance doesn’t mean…
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