Celebrating Valentine’s Day When a Loved One Has Dementia
Every family has their own favorite special occasions that they enjoy celebrating. Some may not be big into Halloween, Valentine’s Day or Independence Day, while others go all out celebrating these events as well as personal milestones like birthdays and anniversaries. But when dementia creeps into the picture, many families are left wondering how to handle these special days.
For my parents, flowers and cards were always essential, especially on Valentine’s Day and their wedding anniversary. Sadly, after a failed brain surgery left my father with dementia, it was obvious that Dad could no longer participate in these celebrations the way he used to. As my mom aged, she began experiencing some memory loss as well.
I knew that, if he could make the decision, Dad would want to give Mom flowers and a card to show her how loved she was. I also knew Mom would want to reciprocate. The only problem was that neither of them was mentally capable of picking out a greeting card or arranging a flower delivery. Even with my gentle guidance, Dad couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about.
So, I was faced with difficult questions that many other dementia caregivers have contemplated before. How do we celebrate special occasions when one or more of the family members involved aren’t mentally capable of participating? Do we pick up the slack and go through the motions to keep long-lasting traditions intact, or do we pretend the special day doesn’t exist and let it pass by unobserved?
My personal approach was to keep things as normal and upbeat as possible without putting any pressure on my parents (or myself) to “get it right.” I’d buy Mom and Dad cards to…
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