The Aftermath of Long-Term Caregiving: Is Stress Your New Normal?

Often long-term caregivers wonder if their lives will ever return to normal. The short answer is no; at least for most of us. There will be changes in your personality, both positive and negative, so what you view as normal will change.

Each day as a caregiver (to some degree) hinges on the health and welfare of our care receivers. After months or years of caregiving, stress can become a daily companion.

I believe caregivers often recognize one or more triggers that symbolize this stress.

For me it was the blinking message light on the home phone. Though the multiple elders I cared for are now deceased, to this day I rarely consider the fact that that an unexpected phone call or a message on my answering machine could possibly signal anything other than troubling news.

How the telephone became my enemy: Once my dad had moved to a nearby nursing home because of a failed brain surgery and Mom was still living in their apartment, it seemed that every time the phone rang past 5:00 p.m. there was trouble somewhere.

Sometimes the call was from the nursing home because of a problem Dad had. Occasionally, it was Mom just checking in. Too often, however, it was the dispatcher for mom’s personal alarm system. This call meant that I’d need to dash over to Mom’s to see what happened and send for 9-1-1, if necessary.

Mom’s call generally went out because she’d fallen. Sometimes she was barely hurt. Other times there were more serious consequences. Whatever it was, I’d have to cope.

My panicked drives from my home to my mother’s – too often during terrible weather, or so it seemed – loom large in my memory. Still, I was grateful that Mom could summon help.

After Mom moved to the nursing home, her calls were not so gratifying. Mom had her own telephone in her room and she called me often. Since I spent significant time with her on a daily basis, all that was needed in the evening was for us to touch base. That, was perfectly okay. What was not okay was that she’d forget she’d just called and repeat the process multiple times each evening. Eventually, I’d have to stop answering the phone, knowing that the nursing home would notify me on my cell phone if there was an emergency…

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose…I don’t want it to end.” …Craig William Dayton, Film Composer

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