A Caregiver’s Struggle: Balancing an Elder’s Sense of Purpose with Their Safety

Most seniors need to feel useful to enjoy a high quality of life. They maintain a sense of purpose by sticking to their everyday routines and engaging in activities and hobbies they enjoy. But if caregivers believe an elder’s actions are risky or downright dangerous, when should they step in?

As caregivers, we walk a thin line between keeping our loved ones safe and helping to preserve their independence. One of my first experiences with this concept occurred with my elderly neighbor and first care recipient. Joe was in his 80s and lived in his own home. He was totally deaf, so to communicate with each other, he would speak and I would write on a large legal pad.

One day, I hurried into his house at my typical visiting time and immediately sensed that something was off. Joe would usually sit at his kitchen table waiting for me to arrive, but this time there was no sign of him. I feared the worst and ran down the basement steps since he’d fallen there before. Fortunately, he wasn’t there. I headed back upstairs, where I heard a rustling noise coming from his bedroom. Joe, whose gait was wobbly at best on a flat surface, was perched halfway up a metal ladder. He was using needle-nose pliers to jab into a light fixture in his closet ceiling. There was no bulb in the fixture and the electricity was still on. Joe saw me and gleefully screeched, “Hold the ladder, honey! I’ll be down in a minute.”

I frantically grabbed my legal pad and wrote “GET DOWN!” in big letters. He just chuckled. This scene ended with me turning off the fuses in the fuse box, so he wouldn’t electrocute himself. He eventually tottered down off the ladder and we shared some laughter. Joe couldn’t understand why I was upset. He was simply trying to fix the light, and it was his house after all…

Continue reading on Agingcare for thoughts on the difficult decisions we make daily to balance an elder’s independence and reason to live with real risk to what they cherish most:

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Check out Dr. Leslie Kernisan’s free training webinar How to Help Resistant Aging Parents and consider joining this amazingly supportive group! Better Health While Aging presents Helping Our Older Parents:

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores