Siblings in Denial About a Parent’s Declining Health
Nearly all family caregivers with siblings have experienced some version of sibling denial regarding their aging parents. Whether it stems from a subconscious need to ignore the fact that a parent is declining, or they want to pretend that caring for a parent isn’t a big deal so they don’t have to get involved, denial is rampant. This can be incredibly frustrating for primary caregivers to deal with. Examining a sibling’s behavior and your own communication methods can help you devise strategies for convincing them to break through their denial and embrace the reality of your parent’s current and future needs.
Distance and Denial Often Go Hand in Hand
One form of denial takes advantage of distance. In most families, there is typically an adult child who lives nearest to Mom and/or Dad, and then there are siblings who live further out of town or in another state. The role of the primary caregiver usually falls to the local sibling. It’s definitely harder to provide hands-on care from a distance, but there are things these siblings can do from afar, whether it’s bookkeeping for the parents, researching senior living communities, or writing an occasional check for respite care so the primary caregiver can take a break. However, it’s much easier for an out-of-town sibling to turn the other cheek.
Even with updates and warnings, a long-distance sibling doesn’t always get the full picture of how their parent is doing or what caregiving entails on a daily basis. To complicate things further, elders will often perk up when their less involved adult children show up to visit. That’s only natural. This phenomenon is often referred to as “show-timing,” especially in elders who have Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. The parent rallies, excited to see their long-lost child, much to the primary caregiver’s annoyance. But this isn’t…
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