Reframing How We View Conflicts with Older Parents Can Maintain Harmony
Dear Carol: My parents are entering their 80s. While they seem cognitively sound, they have physical challenges that will progress. I’ll help them out in emergencies, but I have children in their teens, a husband, and a full-time job, so I can’t stop by every day. Like many adult children, I believe my parents should hire help or move to assisted living, but, perhaps typically, they flatly refuse. Their stubbornness has created barriers to our once decent communication. I’ve read your advice on stepping back from being pushy, and I’m trying. Yet, even with some modification on my part, we’re not communicating well. Can you give me further insight? Thank you! – CL
Dear CL: Don’t blame yourself for having trouble with these conversations. Most adult children want the best for their aging parents. Problems arise when their view of “keeping them safe” or “just wanting them to stay healthy” conflict with their parents’ rightful desire for autonomy.
Frustrated as you may become, remember that normal aging shouldn’t take away older adults’ rights. You’ve indicated that they are cognitively well, so…
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Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.
An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart! …Ann Campanella
