New to Caregiving: How Do I Keep from Going Under?
Dear Carol: My parents are in their 70s and had been mostly healthy. I don’t have to worry about financial and health legal documents because they are in place. What’s hard is that my siblings are scattered so I’m “it” for local caregiving. I think that I’ve been in denial because my parents were independent and healthy for so long, but Dad had a stroke last month, and reality has hit. He’s back home and we’re thrilled about that, but his increased needs are taking a toll on Mom. Both of them are still independent-minded, but Dad is having trouble with mobility as well as incontinence. So, now I’m struggling to figure out how much help I should offer and how I can avoid fussing over them and offending them. I’m also worried about how I can continue to be attentive to my own grown kids, my grandchild, and of course, my husband if I’m caught up in regular caregiving for my parents. What I’m saying is that while I definitely want to help them, I feel like I could get in over my head. Can you give me some guidance? – NC
Dear NC: The idea that our parents, who were our anchors in life, becoming dependent on us can be frightening, so your reaction is understandable. You’re fortunate that your parents have been proactive about their legal work since that part is vital. Even with the legal work in place, though, you are looking at their ever-increasing needs, so it’s good that you’re trying to work out a road map about how this could work for all of you.
Your husband, children, and grandchild are as important as your parents, so you’ll need to be aware of times when you could be neglecting them due to attending to your parents’ needs. That’s okay in emergencies since everyone has to give in these cases, but not for the long term. Caregiving nearly always involves juggling different roles.
These tips might help you manage your upcoming role:
Remember that while you are stepping into the caregiver role out of love and/or duty, doing so will eventually become another job. The sooner you see this, the less likely it will be that you will burn out early. Caregiving is most likely going to be a marathon rather than a sprint, so you must pace yourself if you are to stay the course…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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