Having “The Talk”: How to Discuss End-of-Life Issues with Parents
Sex and death: It’s odd that these two topics of conversation should bring so much anxiety to parents and children. One addresses the beginning of life, while the other addresses the end. Both are a natural part of the circle of life, but many find that sex is often the easier subject to discuss.
In fact, a national survey conducted in 2018 by The Conversation Project found that 92 percent of Americans say it’s important to discuss their wishes for end-of-life care, but only 32 percent have had such a conversation. Why is it that we are avoiding these discussions with friends and family even though we fully recognize the importance of having them?
Overcoming the Reluctance to Talk About Death
In my experience, I’ve found that it isn’t always seniors who avoid talking about death. Some do, of course, but many of our aging loved ones would like to discuss the legal and financial arrangements they’ve made, as well as their preferences for end-of-life care and who they would like to handle their medical decisions if they were to become incapacitated. On the other hand, adult children often find excuses to delay frank discussions about serious illness and death.
Few of us like to consider the fact that our parents will die, but nothing will change this truth. In actuality, avoiding end-of-life discussions and failing to help aging loved ones prepare for this inevitability can make the whole experience more difficult and painful for the entire family in the long run.
It is to everyone’s advantage to discuss plans and preferences in depth as early as possible. When I had my own legal papers drawn up, including a last will and testament, power of attorney documents and a living will, I told my children, “Let’s just handle all of this and then get on with the business of living.” While my sons didn’t find the prospect of my death fun to talk about, they dutifully listened to the details of the plan I had created and where they could find these important papers should they need them. Regardless of who wishes to avoid end-of-life conversations, they must take place.
Resources to Help Guide Discussions About Death
When it comes to discussing awkward or emotionally charged topics, it always helps to do some research and preparation beforehand. There are countless books about discussing estate planning, end-of-life care, death, and dying on the market, but…
Continue reading on Agingcare for some tips on discussing end-of-life care with your aging parents:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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