A Common Caregiver Confession: “I Secretly Wish My Ill Loved One Would Die”

…Most caregivers would have been devastated by the death of their loved ones before they took on this role. But when a care recipient has declined so significantly that they no longer resemble the person they used to be, it can be heartbreaking to imagine prolonging such a life. When a loved one is in pain, depressed, demanding, abusive, demented or violent, it is emotionally distressing for everyone involved. Physical efforts to calm them and make them comfortable or content seem to become increasingly futile and exhausting as well.

All too often, the health care system prioritizes longevity over quality of life, especially when it comes to elder care. For many seniors, a longer life comes with age-related health conditions, disability, cognitive decline, a loss of independence and financial strain. There is no denying that elderly parents living too long takes a heavy toll on the adult children who care for them. When doctors have done everything they can and an elderly loved one no longer has a high quality of life, the caregiver starts thinking how nice it would be if their care recipient just went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. The senior would finally be at peace, and the caregiver would get their life back.

When these thoughts creep in, the immediate reaction is often overwhelming caregiver guilt and shame. But is this thought really as abnormal or terrible as it seems? When… 

Continue reading on Agingcare for insight into the common and often guilt-producing thoughts that our ill loved one would be better off (and so would we) if they could just let go:

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores

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