A Cautionary Tale About Self-Care During Caregiving
I know. I know. You are thinking, “When will I do all these things and how will I pay for them?” That was my response to such suggestions years ago. I laughed at the idea of finding time to go to support group meetings. It is so easy to fall into the rut of making excuses and prioritizing other peoples’ needs above your own. The good news is that there are many more resources for caregivers available now and they are much more accessible. For example, computers, the internet, and sources of information, advice, and friendship like AgingCare are such a blessing. I didn’t have that kind of support at my fingertips during most of my active caregiving years.
I skipped mammograms during that time and was lucky. A friend of mine skipped hers while caregiving, too. When she finally went in for imaging, she received a stage II breast cancer diagnosis. It was amazing how she found time to take care of herself then. Her cancer treatment took far more time and money than the annual mammograms she skipped and the lumpectomy she likely could have had if her cancer had been caught earlier.
During my heavy-duty caregiving years, I actually skipped most of my own doctor’s appointments. Studies have shown that the chronic stress caregivers face can impair immune function and lead to a vast array of negative health effects. RA does run in my family, so I may have developed it eventually anyway. But I sometimes wonder if I would have gotten RA if I’d given myself more downtime while caregiving. The only thing I know for sure is that more respite time wouldn’t have hurt me, and, quite frankly, it wouldn’t have hurt my elders, either.
During those difficult years, I didn’t exercise like I did when my kids were younger. I ate junk food. I knew these decisions weren’t wise, but I was too tired to care. My sister teases me that I now preach about what I didn’t do when I was a caregiver. And she’s right. I didn’t take care of myself very well back then. Not only did I jeopardize my physical and mental health, but my lack of self-care also affected my elders and my children. Many family caregivers get sick and even die before the people they are caring for. I am fortunate that neglecting my own needs did not have more serious consequences.
Don’t Let Caregiver Stress Go Unchecked: How much would I do differently if I knew then what I know now? I’m not sure. I admit that I am an obsessive caregiver. I care deeply…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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