When a Person Living with Dementia Says, ‘I Just Want to Go Home’
Update: Some current thinking is that the emotion behind this sad lament is more about finding a level of emotional comfort than thinking back to a former home. I’d agree (though we’re all guessing and it likely varies with the person). However, a childhood home often represents that kind of trusting environment the person craves. For that reason, the basics of this article hold even if details have shifted somewhat. Dementia care and the thinking around continue to evolve, which is definitely a good thing.
“I want to go home.”
Nearly every dementia caregiver has heard this heartbreaking plea from their loved one. They may already be at home or they may be struggling to accept their new surroundings after a move to long-term care, but this simple statement is still jarring. Home means different things for different people, but dementia tends to take this concept to a new and confusing extreme.
How Dementia Skews a Senior’s Perception of Time and Place: Remember that not every case of dementia is the same. My parents each had different forms of cognitive impairment, but fortunately, they never asked me to go home. However, since I was a daily visitor at the nursing home where they both resided, I did hear this plea from many other residents. I didn’t even know some of the people, but it was upsetting nonetheless. Of course, most of these people had Alzheimer’s disease.
Handling a Senior’s Pleas to Go Home: Members of the AgingCare Caregiver Forum often ask how to handle these requests to go home. Many people initially take this desire at face value, especially from loved ones who are living in long-term care facilities. But, it’s important to understand that giving in to these appeals is not guaranteed to be successful.
Many families struggle with the decision to move their loved ones out of senior living and in with them, but this rarely pans out. Although the move makes sense logically, elders in the middle and late stages of dementia do not handle change well. It’s probable this person would become agitated and disoriented by yet another move and would still not consider it to be “home.” Unfortunately, this realization doesn’t make navigating such a heartbreaking routine any easier. Caregivers and staff can gently remind…
