How to Help While Emotionally Distancing from Abusive Parents
Dear Carol: I grew up in a household where the parents could never be pleased. My brother and I left home right after high school, but I have stayed in touch with my mom. Last year, I relocated to be near them thinking I should help during their aging years. I had hoped that we could reconnect and leave the pain in the past, but they still belittle me. I struggle with the desire to help them, and yes, I suppose, to make it feel like I’m from a loving family. Yet, the dynamic is sucking me into the past. How can I help them while still protecting myself from the hurt? – NM
Dear NM: I’m sorry your childhood was so emotionally damaging. You’re an incredible individual to attempt to step in and help now that they’re older. It’s important to understand that few families are as functional as they appear from the outside, so try not to compare your life with others. You were born and remain lovable and loving. Never forget that it’s them, not you. You’ll need ongoing support with this tough situation, so I’d encourage professional counseling over the long run. Here are additional thoughts…
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