Am I a Caregiver? Defining the Family Caregiver Role
Many individuals struggle to accept the label of “family caregiver,” but fully embracing this role increases our chances of succeeding in it.
What Is a Caregiver?
Over the past several decades, I’ve been a care provider for many people. Most of my care recipients were elderly, including one neighbor, an aunt, an uncle, two in-laws and two parents. Each one needed varying amounts of care across many different settings. Through it all, though, I’ve had a hard time embracing being labeled as a “caregiver.”
My experiences growing up in a multi-generational household may be one factor in why I struggled with this concept. My paternal grandmother lived with rheumatoid arthritis for most of her life, and it caused her pain and seriously limited her mobility as she got older. She eventually moved in with our family and lived with us for seven years. However, during those years, I never heard the term “caregiver” used to refer to my mother, who stayed at home to look after Grandma. She simply did what the family is expected to do.
The National Library of Medicine’s resource, MedlinePlus, defines a caregiver as a person who “gives care to someone who needs help taking care of themselves.” A care recipient could need help because of an injury, a disability, a chronic illness, or an advancing age. This simple definition makes sense when spelled out, but for so many, “caregiver” is a loaded word that evokes a wide variety of connotations and consequences in people’s minds. I have often heard family caregivers reject this label with statements like, “I’m not his caregiver; I’m his wife!” and equivalent protests from adult children who are clearly caring for their aging parents or in-laws.
Looking back, I may have benefited from acknowledging that “I am a caregiver” earlier on in my journey. But deep down, I felt that doing so might take away some of my elders’ dignity. I still struggle to reconcile this terminology with our loved ones’ desires for independence and normalcy. Nevertheless, defining our role as family caregivers is important because it opens up vital sources of information, support, and services we may otherwise overlook..
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