Dating and Caregiving: An Impossible Mix?
Back when you were in high school, you likely found that bringing your new love home to meet your parents was a nerve-wracking experience. Mom and Dad were bound to embarrass you in some way, but you got through the awkwardness because you had to.
Now fast forward a couple of decades. Who knew that you’d be facing that same scenario all over again? This time, however, you and your parents are both much older and yet the complications have somehow multiplied when it comes to introducing Mom and Dad to new people—especially a new love interest.
Perhaps your parents have dementia and have lost their filter and all concept of social graces. Maybe they are argumentative and controlling and demand 100 percent of your time and attention. Many seniors struggle to accept change, so the thought of you, their primary caregiver, pursuing other interests and relationships may be a deeply troubling possibility. In an attempt to maintain the status quo, they might remind you of your past failed relationships and advise that you should leave well enough alone at your age. The list of challenges that caregivers face when trying to reenter the dating scene goes on and on…
On top of your parents’ protests, your time is so limited that you can hardly squeeze your own doctor’s appointments into your schedule or enjoy a nice bath without interruption. How does one date under these circumstances? And if you are successful in meeting someone special, how do you find the time and energy to nurture a new relationship while caring for your parents and avoiding their wrath? A few simple tips can help you mentally prepare for this undertaking.
Introducing Your Date to Your Aging Parents
I rarely compare elder care to child care, because I find that comparison demeaning to seniors, but there are times when it’s nearly unavoidable. This is one of those times. I can’t help but liken handling these types of introductions to the way a single mother with young kids might handle dating. Many women choose not to introduce potential partners to their children until there is some degree of certainty that the relationship is stable and there is a chance for long-term success. Kids are vulnerable and rely on their parents for love and care, so introducing a new person into the family causes a serious shift in dynamics.
Similarly, your aging parents are at a vulnerable point in their lives where they rely on you for…
Continue reading on Agingcare for more about the tricky act of combining dating and eldercare:
Helpful Tools:
Wetness indicator and alert to help manage incontinence with dignity. SenecaSense Home: Discreet Support That Restores Comfort and Confidence
Discover the Difference. EGOSAN: The premium incontinence brand caregivers love: They save work! Now Available on Amazon.
Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.
Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, has opened up support! View two free caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself).
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores
