Siblings’ Focus is on Preserving their Inheritance Over Doing Right
Dear Carol: You’ve heard it all before. I’ve cared for both parents through years of their failing health. After Dad died, I moved Mom in with my husband and me. Now, her health and cognition have deteriorated so much that it’s no longer safe for her to live in our two-story home. She wonders, rummages, has panic attacks, and much more. My family and I have made the stressful decision that it’s time for memory care, which Mom can afford. We have a well-rated facility close to our home, so I can visit often. The problem? My uninvolved siblings, who have been thrilled that I take care of mom, are upset about this possibility because they don’t want me to spend her money, which they view as their inheritance. We’ve never taken a cent for Mom’s care, and they don’t want this to end. I’m so over this. We are making the move next month, even though my oldest brother is threatening a lawsuit. I don’t want a family rift, and Mom would hate that idea, but that’s what’s happening. Do you have any ideas to avoid taking it to court? – BV
Dear BV: My heart goes out to you. Most caregivers would say you have every right to stand your ground, and I agree. Only you can decide if doing so is worth the rift with your brothers and a potential lawsuit. It doesn’t sound like a close relationship exists…
Helpful Tools:
Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.
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Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, has opened up support! View two free caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself).
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Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores
