When Someone You Love Lives with Alzheimer’s and Doesn’t Recognize You
Watching a loved one move through the stages of Alzheimer’s disease (AD) can be one of life’s toughest and most heartbreaking challenges. If we had to list examples of emotions by the distress they cause us, at the top of the list would be watching someone we love experience physical and mental pain that we cannot relieve. For many caregivers, next on the list, at least for many caregivers, would be having to live with the fact that a loved one no longer recognizes us for who we are.
When my family members were residents of a care facility, I asked one of the nurses at the nursing home if my mother-in-law knew who I was. I was aware she could not have told anyone my name or my exact purpose in her life. That much was evident. However, I wondered if she knew that I was there to see her. The nurse assured me that seeing me step off the elevator was a highlight of my mother-in-law’s day. I was glad of that. I felt my visiting her was important, no matter what she “knew,” but it was nice to hear those words from the nurse just the same.
Spouses and adult children of people with AD and other dementias often have to brace themselves for a time when their loved one no longer recognizes them.
Not Being Recognized Doesn’t Mean We’re Forgotten
The pain of walking into a room and having one’s spouse or parent not recognize us can be hurtful and trigger some strong emotions. Sometimes, adult children, especially, will ask, “Why should we visit them? Why go through the pain of sitting there, when they don’t even know who we are?”
I can only give my own thoughts on this situation as an experienced family caregiver. What I say to people is that their loved one has not “forgotten them.” Even though the person may not indicate in any way that your presence is known, it may well be that the touch of your…
Helpful Tools:
Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.
Wetness indicator and alert to help manage incontinence with dignity. SenecaSense Home: Discreet Support That Restores Comfort and Confidence
Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, has opened up support! View two free caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself).
Discover the Difference. EGOSAN: The premium incontinence brand caregivers love: They save work! Now Available on Amazon.
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores
