Caregiver Asks How to Politely Refuse Unhelpful Visitors
Dear Carol: I’m an only child providing care for my dad, who has PTSD from military service, exacerbated by dementia. Before this, I helped my mom care for my grandmother with Alzheimer’s. Eventually, I helped my dad care for Mom, who also had dementia. So, yes, I’m exhausted. I’m in the process of investigating additional support through resources that you’ve mentioned in your columns, so thank you for that. My immediate problem is that my nephew and his whole family want to drop by for a visit this summer. They are nice enough people, but they’ll be full of advice on how I can be a better, more efficient caregiver, which would be laughable if I could still find my humor. They don’t have a clue. My home is passable, but I don’t have the time for daily housework, nor the money to pretty things up. This shouldn’t matter to me, I know, but they are rather judgy and live in a high-end neighborhood and are proud of it. I don’t have the emotional resilience to handle their judgment and ignorant ideas about how I can do better. Am I being ungrateful if I refuse their visit? If so, how do I do that without a rift? They are family, but I can’t handle any company right now. Thank you so much for standing up for caregivers and older adults. – TC
Dear TC: My heart is with you. Your worry about being judged on the condition of your home or your housekeeping is completely understandable. Caregivers do what we can, but others don’t understand why we don’t do what they view as better. Try to learn to…
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