Caregiver Guilt: How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Elderly Parents

The first call of the day from your mom you can handle.

“Oh, hi, Mom. Yes, it’s a very pretty day. Maybe you should walk down the hall to see Marian?”

You chat awhile and then say, “I love you, too. Bye.”

Five minutes pass. You answer the ringing phone again.

“Hey, Mom. Yes, it is a pretty day. Are you going to see Marian like I suggested when you called earlier?” (This seems polite and gentle.) “Yeah, you did call earlier. It’s okay; you just forgot. Love you. Bye.”

Six minutes later, the phone rings yet again. You check the caller ID and decide to ignore it. The rule of three has kicked in. You know Mom is alright because you’ve already spoken (twice). She has heard your voice. It’s okay to ignore the call, but you still feel guilty.

Why Do Elderly Parents Make Us Feel Guilty?

Get used to it—the guilt, I mean. The incessant phone call thing was just one of the many games I had to play as a dementia caregiver. When my mother would ring the first time, I’d answer, chat, and see how she was doing. The second time, I’d gently try to let her know that she had just called…

Continue reading on Agingcare for discussion on this phenomenon of unearned guilt:

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores

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