Honor Your Elders’ Need for Independence
Although we may not think about it in these terms very often, a person’s dignity and identity are often tied to their independence. As advancing age and health conditions affect a loved one’s ability to follow through on tasks they have always mastered and enjoyed, the feeling that life is worth living can fade. One of our many responsibilities as family caregivers is to encourage activities that contribute to our loved ones’ feelings of self-worth while also prioritizing their safety.
This is admittedly a fine line to walk. How do we, as caregivers, balance independence with the obvious need for assistance and supervision? If you’re in doubt, it’s generally best to err on the side of encouraging more self-reliance rather than less. Striking such a balance can be difficult, but there are some methods for reconciling both these crucial needs.
Protecting a Senior’s Dignity and Identity: As an example, for many older women, family gatherings have often been a large part of their identity. They may well remember the celebratory meals that their mothers and grandmothers prepared years ago. It is likely that they hope their family will also recall their meals on special occasions long after they are gone. But these preparations can be trying and grow increasingly difficult over the years.
To preserve an elder’s role in these gatherings and lighten their responsibilities, other family members and guests can offer to bring something to the celebration, or, better yet, join Grandma or Mom as she does what she can to prepare for the upcoming festivities.
Watch to see if she struggles with any of these tasks. Should something seem too difficult, ask if she’d like some help. Listen for subtle indications during casual conversation that hint your assistance is needed. For example, she may mention in passing that using the electric mixer has become difficult due to the arthritis in her hands. That’s your cue to suggest an easier recipe or offer to do the mixing while she covers all the other steps in the original one.
As our elders face increasing physical or cognitive challenges, see if you can gradually shift gatherings and celebrations to your own home. In my family, my mother took over from my grandmother, and eventually, I took over from my mother. It was all very gradual, though. My mom didn’t barge into grandma’s kitchen one year and declare she was making Thanksgiving dinner or announce one day that holidays would be taking place at her home moving forward. She let the duties shift in a tactful way…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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