When a Person with Dementia Says, ‘I Just Want to Go Home’
Note: This is an older article that’s still valid, so I’m running it. However, dementia experts keep learning, and the thinking now is that often the person is just seeking the emotional comfort of home – not a physical place. Likely, there is no one reason other than they do need comforting, not angry reminders from us (yes, it’s hard). Watch for a future article on this topic due to an inquiry from a newspaper column reader. Until now, you’ll still find value here.
“I want to go home.”
Nearly every dementia caregiver has heard this heartbreaking plea from their loved one. They may already be at home or they may be struggling to accept their new surroundings after a move to long-term care, but this simple statement is still jarring. Home means different things for different people, but dementia tends to take this concept to a new and confusing extreme.
How Dementia Skews a Senior’s Perception of Time and Place: It’s fairly well accepted by dementia experts that the “home” most elders wish to return to is their childhood home. In the later stages of Alzheimer’s disease, for instance, it is thought that a senior may tap into remaining memories from long ago and revert to a younger period in their minds. The passage of time becomes confusing and overwhelming, so they seem to crave the familiarity of their family home or call out for long-deceased family members and friends as a source of comfort.
Remember that not every case of dementia is the same. My parents each had different forms of cognitive impairment, but fortunately, they never asked me to go home. However, since I was a daily visitor at the nursing home where they both resided, I did hear this plea from many other residents. I didn’t even know some of the people, but it was upsetting nonetheless. Of course, most of these people had Alzheimer’s disease.
Handling a Senior’s Pleas to Go Home: Many people initially take this desire at face value, especially from loved ones who are living in long-term care facilities. But it’s important to understand that giving in to these appeals is not guaranteed to be successful.
Many families struggle with the decision to move their loved ones out of senior living and in with them, but this rarely pans out. Although the move makes sense logically, elders in the middle and late stages of dementia do not handle change well. It’s probable this person would become agitated and disoriented by yet another move and would still not consider it to be “home.” Unfortunately, this realization doesn’t make navigating such a heartbreaking routine any easier.
Caregivers and staff can gently remind…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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