How to Cope with an Older Adult’s Complaining and Negativity

You took your mom to the doctor, and she’s upset with you because the appointment took too long. You helped Dad with the yardwork, but he’s annoyed that you didn’t mow the grass in the right pattern. Why do seniors complain so much even though they have people working hard to make their lives easier? There are several potential causes for this behavior, and one simple question can help you get to the bottom of things: Has this person always been negative and prone to complaining, or is this a new occurrence?

Some Seniors Are Prone to Chronic Complaining: If an aging loved one has always been abrasive, complaining may be the only way they know how to communicate. It is likely that they aren’t even aware of how their attitude affects others. No, their constant complaining and negativity—especially when it comes to the things you go out of your way to do for them—is not acceptable. However, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be able to change their personality at this point. In fact, the physical and mental frustrations that come with aging are likely to intensify an already negative disposition. Primary caregivers for chronic complainers should take this into account when making care decisions. It can be very difficult to stay upbeat around incessant criticism and pessimism.

5 Causes of New or Increasing Negativity in Older Adults: Conversely, a negative mindset or more frequent complaining is a new occurrence for some seniors. If your mother was always sweet and timid, but now she’s implacable, or your husband was jolly and supportive throughout your marriage, but he’s become controlling and angry, it is a serious red flag. Fortunately, new personality changes are often easier to address, and many can be remedied.

This type of sibling denial happens when one sibling ignores how caregiving has transformed their brother or sister’s life. The absent sibling acknowledges their parent is ill but refuses to recognize the fact that…

Continue reading on Agingcare for more about chronically complaining older adults:

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.   “I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose…I don’t want it to end.” …Craig William Dayton, Film Composer

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Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol