Understanding the Difference Between Lying and Confabulation in Dementia
Dear Carol: My mom burned pans when she cooked, got overdue notices on bills, and has become incontinent. Since she wasn’t safe living alone, for now, she’s living with me while we wait for a room in memory care. I try to manage her compassionately, but her constant lying about things she’s responsible for drives me nuts. For example, yesterday, she had a bowel accident that left a horrible mess which she then tried to clean up. The bathroom was a nightmare. I asked her some gentle questions about why she hadn’t been wearing her incontinence pants, but she said she was. The clincher was when she told me the mess was from that “other lady.” Her memory loss is evident but what’s this lying all about? –YT
Dear YT: I know it’s tough. Your frustration is legitimate, and your question shows a desire to be compassionate, so you’re doing fine. No one is born knowing how to handle each dementia challenge, so give yourself grace and move forward. As you learn more about memory loss and other brain changes some of your mom’s behaviors will make more sense. Your mom isn’t lying in the ordinary sense. With dementia…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
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