4 Of the Toughest Challenges We Face As Caregivers
Caregiving throws many challenges our way, including establishing care routines for our elders that are not only challenging but may be somewhat embarrassing. By approaching these four caregiving situations with dignity and respect, awkward feelings will fade as they eventually become part of your regular care routine.
- Taking care of “bathroom issues”
Incontinence and trouble with toileting are common among the elderly. Many of you are changing a parent’s incontinence briefs. While I never had to do that, there is a day from my past related to this type of care that is branded onto my brain. My dad had endured one of his many surgeries and was at home recovering. Mom had taken care of his toileting needs since he arrived home from the hospital, however one day when I was sitting with Dad so Mom could go out for a while, he had to go to the bathroom. I certainly didn’t mind helping him, but my heart was heavy with the thought that, since Dad was still cognitively stable, he would feel that his daughter helping him with such personal needs was embarrassing.
As it turned out, I needn’t have feared. Dad was pragmatic when it came to the human body, and he welcomed my help without any sign of embarrassment. Since I sat with Dad often, I quickly came to the point that the whole process was routine. Still, I’ve never forgotten the emotion involved that first time.
I’ve heard from male caregivers who think nothing of changing their mother’s undergarments. Incontinence care for them is an act of love, just as feeding her would be. Some men, however,
Continue reading on Agingcare for more on challenging caregiver situations:
When a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Doesn’t Recognize You
Watching a loved one move through the stages of Alzheimer’s disease (AD) can be one of life’s toughest and most heartbreaking challenges. If we had to list examples of emotions by the distress they cause us, at the top of the list would be watching someone we love experience physical and mental pain that we cannot relieve. For many caregivers, next on the list at least for many caregivers, would be having to live with the fact that a loved one no longer recognizes us for who we are.
When my family members were residents of a care facility, I asked one of the nurses at the nursing home if my mother-in-law knew who I was. I was aware she could not have told anyone my name or my exact purpose in her life. That much was evident. However, I wondered if she knew that I was there to see her. The nurse assured me that seeing me step off the elevator was a highlight of my mother-in-law’s day. I was glad of that. I felt my visiting her was important no matter what she “knew,” but it was nice to hear those words from the nurse just the same.
Spouses and adult children of people with AD and other dementias often have to brace themselves for a time when their loved one no longer recognizes them.
Not Being Recognized Doesn’t Mean We’re Forgotten
The pain of walking into a room and having one’s spouse or parent not recognize us can be hurtful and trigger some strong emotions. Sometimes, adult children especially, will ask, “Why should we visit them? Why go through the pain of sitting there, when they don’t even know who we are?”
I can only give my own thoughts on this situation as an experienced family caregiver. What I say to people is that their loved one has not “forgotten them.” Even though the person may…
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Check out Dr. Leslie Kernisan’s free training webinar How to Help Resistant Aging Parents and consider joining this amazingly supportive group! Better Health While Aging presents Helping Our Older Parents:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
