Is Lying to Someone with Dementia Unethical or Compassionate?

Dear Carol: Like many of your readers, my husband has dementia of the Alzheimer’s type, and I’m caring for him at home. We’ve always been honest with each other, so much so that we’ve stirred up unnecessary conflict. Yet, telling the truth is how I was raised. I understand he can’t remember much, and his logic is off, so not understanding makes him anxious. Even so, I can’t seem to stop myself from telling him the unvarnished truth. I’ve learned a lot from Alzheimer’s websites, so I know about fiblets, but I’m uncomfortable with lying in any form. Please help me learn to accept that there are times I can lie to him because it’s better for his emotional and mental health. I don’t want to be mean, but I want to be ethical. Any wise words? – GN

Dear GN: My words aren’t necessarily wise, but I can tell you this: Your question is not unusual, and your heart is in the right place. I don’t doubt that once you get a clearer understanding of when bending the truth as a caregiver is both ethical and compassionate, you can do better.

For readers who don’t know about fiblets, I’ll clarify. Because people with dementia have altered brain function due to their disease, there are times when reality-based…

Continue reading on Inforum for more about the ethics of fiblets:

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 Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.   An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart! …Ann Campanella