How Involved Should Families Be When Elders Live in a Senior Living Facility?
Over the course of 15 years, five of my elderly loved ones lived, for various spans of time, in a nearby nursing home. I visited them nearly every day. Some would say I was over attentive, since my elders were getting excellent care in the facility. But I tended to their specific requests that were beyond what the staff could possibly deliver, which made my elders easier for the professionals to care for.
Striking a careful balance is crucial when it comes to visits and family involvement at a long-term care facility. There is helpful participation with your loved one, and then there is involvement that borders on, or crosses over into, interference.
Can Families Get Too Involved?
I like to think that I stayed safely on the helpful side of this line. Over time, I made friends with the staff. I stayed out of their way when they were busy and refrained from taking up their time with small talk. I didn’t criticize them if I saw a problem. Instead, I asked nicely if we could make some adjustments and I listened to their suggestions and explanations. I kept my visits to an hour or so, which was just long enough to visit with each elder and make sure their needs for the day were taken care of. My presence was welcome by elders and staff alike.
However, employees would occasionally confide in me about families who “took over” during their visits to the nursing home. These visitors acted as if they owned the facility and their loved ones were the only residents who mattered. They cornered every staff member they could find and talked to them either as if they were a good neighbor who had all the time in the world or an adversary who needed constant monitoring. Neither attitude is good.
Advocacy vs. Entitlement
Family caregivers naturally advocate for their loved ones’ wellbeing, and this is entirely necessary, especially for seniors who cannot fully understand or participate in their own care. However, there is a point where some family members take this responsibility to an unrealistic level.
We all want the people we love to receive the best care possible. Most families are keen on a one-to-one staff-to-resident ratio, but that is not what nursing homes and assisted living facilities provide. The nurses would tell me about visitors who spent the day roaming the halls and demanding services for their elders. I understood that they were anxious for their…
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Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart! …Ann C
