Daughter Hurt Because Mom Doesn’t Want to Live with Her
Dear Carol: My mother is in her 80s and is doing well except for arthritic pain and some blood pressure issues. I understand that she loves her condo and her neighbors. She has a handyman and some cleaning help, and that’s good. Still, I’m proactive about most things and feel that she should come to live with me now so she can settle in before she needs more help. I’m single and have a large home so she’d have her own room and bathroom. It seems like an obvious solution to me, but she refuses, saying that she loves her independence and if she can’t live alone, she’ll move to assisted living. Why would she prefer that to living with me? We get along great and often have lunch just for fun. We’re together for holidays and enjoy extended family. Am I wrong to feel hurt by her refusal to accept my offer? – NK
Dear NK: You’re not wrong, but you’ve been misled by believing that all older people want to live with their kids. While that’s true for some, it’s not at all unusual for older adults to feel that if they ever need care, they’d rather have that care provided by hired caregivers or in a facility. Many things can contribute to this attitude, one of which is recognizing that while they love their adult kids…
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