When Older Adults Won’t Accept Outside Help Caring for Their Spouse
Dear Carol: I’m concerned about my parents, who are in their early 80s. My dad’s a large man, and my tiny mother is his caregiver. Dad needs assistance standing, and he’s incontinent due to prostate cancer. He also needs help with injections and multiple medications. My sister and I support them as much as we can, but neither of us lives near them, which is what would be needed to relieve Mom in a meaningful way. They both reject any suggestion of in-home caregivers and won’t even consider moving to assisted living. This isn’t a safe arrangement for either of them. What’s the answer? – TU
Dear TU: Your concern is valid. This situation isn’t safe for either of your parents. Unfortunately, our current medical care is set up to place increasing responsibility on families who are often ill-equipped to provide this care. I wish I had a perfect solution to offer you, but I don’t. What I can offer are some resources that could improve their lives and increase their safety. Firstly, explain to your dad that having your mom as his sole caregiver endangers her health. He may never have viewed it that way because she’s always been in the nurturing, supportive wife role, and this is…
Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.
Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, is offering two free caregiver training webinars to people who notice that their aging parents need some help now or will in the future. Sign up now to receive the free newsletter from Better Health While Aging and, if you choose, view two great caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself). Or you can go directly to the trainings page.
Discover the Difference. EGOSAN: The premium incontinence brand caregivers love: They save work! Now Available on Amazon.
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores
