Grief: The Way to Continue On Is to Work Through It
Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., doctor of education, is a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator. She has contributed to CNN, the “Today Show,” CNBC’s “The Doctors,” The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, among other media. She also is the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.”
Dr. Gross’ newest book, “The Only Way Out is Through: A Ten-Step Journey from Grief to Wholeness,” is for everyone who experiences the often searing grief that accompanies the death of a loved one. Since Alzheimer’s is a terminal disease, as is the human condition, most HealthCentral readers are eventually put in a position where they must mourn the loss of their parent or spouse. Dr. Gross communicated with HealthCentral via email to provide our readers with guidance on how to go about getting through that grief. The interview has been lightly edited for length and flow.
CBB for HealthCentral: In reading “The Only Way Out,” I was especially taken with your advice about saying goodbye to your old life and letting go of what was before you can move on. This is a complicated process, and your book takes this on in depth, but could you give us a few brief tips that people can hold on to?
Dr. Gail Gross: When an injury, such as death occurs in your life, it signals the end of one phase of your life and a transition into something new. The initial response is to run back to the familiar, even though the set that held your personality has cracked open. Now you are thrust into the valley of despair, an unknown yet fertile place of psychic deconstruction. It is here where your shadow lives, that unknown part of yourself that contains the material for your regeneration. Once here, the discomfort of the unfamiliar can cause you to turn back to that which you know. However, if you have the courage to stay in the valley and hold your attention in this descent, then you will say good bye to that which you were, before the trauma of loss, and go forward into the unknown half of yourself, that is unlived … the…
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