Fear Is Behind Adult Daughter’s Seemingly Selfish Behavior
Dear Carol: I’m a middle-aged, working mom. Life has been stressful, but manageable. My question is about my parents who are in their mid-seventies and love to travel. I used to encourage their trips and relish their joy, but four months ago, Dad had a small stroke. He’s fully recovered, yet the cardiologist says that Dad’s risk of a major stroke has increased. In my opinion, it’s time for my parents to give up traveling and stay nearer home, where they have exceptional medical care. Here’s my dilemma. I love them and want to keep them well and independent, which I know is an honest motive. My second motive, not so much. If one of them has a major health event, I’ll need to figure out how to help them wherever they are. I may even need to become a long-term caregiver. I don’t know how I’d manage any of that. They’ve planned another Caribbean cruise. Where’s their common sense? Am I being selfish to lobby them to give up traveling? – KJ
Dear KJ: I believe you genuinely love your parents. It’s normal to worry about your dad’s increased stroke risk. It’s also normal to worry about how you’ll be able to handle not just an emergency, but a possible future where your parents will need much more care. While your words may come across as selfish, your insight speaks well of you. You’ve already got a lot of responsibility. Since you’re human, catastrophic thinking takes over. You imagine your dad having a major stroke. While you worry about his loss of..
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