Living with Elderly Parents: Do You Regret the Decision?
If you are like most family caregivers, you probably made a promise to your parent(s) years ago that you would never place them in a long-term care facility. You assured them that you would be the one to see to their care no matter what. After all, that is what family does, right?
But when it becomes clear that one or both parents need an increasing amount of assistance, many adult children find themselves in a delicate situation. Those who take the time to think through this decision are often plagued by questions and what-if scenarios. How much help does Mom actually need? Is Dad just lonely living by himself? How are we going to fit the in-laws in our home? Will the kids still have enough space? Would assisted living be a better option? Should I move in with my elderly parents or should I build an addition onto our house? The list of present and future concerns is extensive.
Deciding Whether to Live With Elderly Parents
According to the Caregiving in the U.S. 2020 research report published by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, 40 percent of family caregivers report that their care recipients live with them. Another common option is for caregivers to move in with their aging parents. Regardless of who moves in with whom, the decision to live with aging parents is a serious one that affects all relationships within a family, careers, finances, and the physical and mental health of everyone involved.
For some, the arrangement works out fine. Two or even three generations residing in the same home can be a good thing. Multi-generational living works best when there is plenty of space so that everyone can get the privacy they need. Additional factors include mutual respect for one another, clear communication, and a willingness to cooperate. Respite must also be built into this living arrangement from the beginning to avoid caregiver burnout and resentment among other family members. Adequate planning beforehand is crucial for helping ensure that living with your parents is successful. Unfortunately, reality bites. Many families are forced to make knee-jerk care decisions…
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Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, is offering two free caregiver training webinars to people who notice that their aging parents need some help now or will in the future. Sign up now to receive the free newsletter from Better Health While Aging and, if you choose, view two great caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself). Or you can go directly to the trainings page.
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Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores
