Handling Sibling Criticism During the Holidays
Family caregivers often put their lives on hold to care for their loved ones. In cases where adult children are caring for their parents, sibling dynamics can add yet another layer of complexity to the situation.
You’re doing everything you can to help your aging parent(s) maintain a high quality of life. For the most part, you’re succeeding, but then the holiday season arrives. This is the time of year when previously uninvolved siblings arrive for a rare family visit.
They often come with their advice about how you could handle your time better, do more for Mom, and manage Dad’s medications. They’ll dole out their veiled (or not-so-veiled) criticism of how you are handling your parents’ finances, maintaining the house, assisting with activities of daily living (ADLs), and more.
It’s enough to make a saint swear. Suddenly, they are there in the middle of things, acting as if they understand every aspect of your parents’ care, your schedule, and how the house should be run. But where were they when you had to find someone to stay with your sick child at the last minute so you could take Dad to the emergency room? Where were they when you desperately needed a long weekend off from caregiving? Where were they when your car broke down and Mom needed weekly trips to the doctor for blood testing to ensure her medications were working properly?
It seems they were just really busy with work, spouses, kids, extracurricular activities, vacations, and the like. You may be juggling these things yourself in addition to caring for your folks. This is the unfortunate reality for many family caregivers who are helping their parents. Most of the caregiving responsibilities fall to one adult child — typically the one who lives closest to Mom and Dad.
While you may be dreading added stress and sibling tension that often come with the holidays, it’s worth noting that this time together may be a valuable opportunity for…
Perfect Christmas gifts!
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Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, has opened up support! View two free caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself).
