Understanding the Transition from Just Helping Out to Becoming a Caregiver
Dear Carol: My parents are in their 80s and not that healthy. Dad has diabetes and heart issues that have required two trips to emergency care. Mom is getting forgetful, which Dad sees, so he’s asked me to monitor changes I notice. Even though they both insist they are independent, they need reminders to keep their medical appointments. My brothers have assumed that since I’m the daughter, plus I live nearer, I’d handle our parents’ emergencies and daily issues. I’ve willingly done this, even when it means taking time off work. What hurts is that when I mention that I’ve drifted into becoming a caregiver and seem to be doing it alone, they say that’s just what family does. There’s no acknowledgment, encouragement, or support. I agree that one steps up for family, and getting help from my siblings is a long shot anyway, so I’m not sure what I want. Maybe just recognition that I’ve taken on a new role and could use emotional support. Is that off base? – NM
Dear NM: You are not off base. You’ve taken on an additional role in your life, and you not only can, but should, make it clear to your siblings that this represents significant adjustments. You know them, so I’ll accept your word that they are unlikely to help, but…
Helpful Tools:
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