Siblings Complain Designated Caregiver Is Slow to Update Them
Dear Carol: I’m from a family of three boys, and due to proximity, I’ve become the caregiver for our aging parents. Thankfully, I’m best suited emotionally. However, being best suited doesn’t mean it’s easy for me. Our father recently had a stroke. He’s still able to live at home, but he requires significant care. Mom is declining, too, and can only do so much. To put it gently, I have my hands full. I try to send regular updates to my brothers, but I need to catch rest when I can get it. While I’d never leave them out of anything important, just reporting what’s going on is a burden I can live without. Maybe, if they occasionally asked how I’m doing, I’d feel more motivated, but they don’t. Are they right that I should update them at least weekly, or is it okay to protect what little time I have and only update them when there’s something important? – HK
Dear HK: Adult siblings not involved in parent care are a common complaint in families, and your family fits the mold. I agree that if your brothers thought to ask how you are doing, you might feel more motivated to update them. It’s possible that they’re afraid to ask since they feel that leaves them open to a request that they pitch in. I hope I’m guessing wrong, but this is often…
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