Caregiver’s Body Language and Voice Can Either Calm or Cause Anxiety
Dear Carol: It’s a common problem, I know, but I’m worried about how my dad cares for my mom, who lives with dementia. Their dream of aging together and just having a good time in their retirement has gone up in smoke. Dad has read a lot about dementia care and knows the right words to say to potentially soothe Mom. What throws it off is his tone of voice. It betrays his impatience, which undermines his intent. Also, instead of coaching her to do tasks, he takes over and quickly does them for her, which only confuses her. This goes back to the fact that he’s never been patient at the best of times, and now it may include resentment about her disease. I’ve explained how an impatient attitude on our part just makes Mom harder to care for, but when I mention this, he acts hurt. How can I help him without making him feel like a failure? ~HL
Dear HL: You’re a kind, loving daughter, and your effort to understand your dad underscores that. Caring for a spouse who has developed dementia is incredibly difficult. Most people try their best, which makes any perceived criticism sting. Still, you…
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