Why So Many Long-Married Couples Die Close Together
While death rarely brings pleasant feelings, from time to time we’ll see a story about death go viral on the Internet because it touches people’s hearts. Long-married spouses that die within hours or days of one another often fall into that category because they seem to remind us that, ideally, marriage is for eternity.
Don’t want to live without you: My first exposure to this phenomenon happened when my parents were in a nursing home. I visited daily and knew the staff and many of the residents. One elderly man on their floor had later stage Alzheimer’s disease. His wife of many decades visited him at least once a day until she was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. Even during the worst of her treatment, she visited as often as she could. Then, she died.
I didn’t know the family well enough to ask if or how the husband had been told of his wife’s death, but he was in such a late stage that most people would say he’d never understand it anyway. Yet, while the medical staff didn’t pick up any changes in his health after his wife’s death, he died within a week.Most of us felt that somehow he did know of her death…
Continue reading on Agingcare for more about why sometimes people die close together:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “For anyone having to walk the last segments of life with a loved one, read this.” …Delores
Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol
I’m looking for information for my caregiver groups on what friends and family can talk about with seniors in nursing care or assisted living. Friends seem to be uninterested or unsure of what to say to previous friends when they haven’t seen each other in a long time. People feel uncomfortable visiting disabled or seniors who are alone creating a barrier and eventually lost friendships
Hi Del, I’m sorry for the delay in answering you. This just showed up in my comment list, but thank you for writing. Your question is natural and a common one, because it really can be challenging. This goes double for someone with dementia or just plain memory issues.
First, understand that just your (or someone’s) presence says a lot. Of course, it’s uncomfortable to just sit in silence, but nearly any older adult would love to have you ask them about their younger years. Something about what it was like growing up in the 40s or 50s or whenever. So, if you say, “Would you tell me more about what it was like when you were little?” they’ll likely lead the conversation, and you can just ask follow up questions. It doesn’t matter if you’ve heard the stories ten times before. The idea is to let them tell you about their lives. The same can be true with hobbies that they’ve had. Ask them to tell you about it and let them lead. Additionally, if you come armed with a play list of songs or even a list of old music videos, you might grab their interest. If you have access to old photos, that’s nearly always a hit. Again, just the fact that you are attempting to spend time with them is what really matters. Best wishes to you going forward! Carol