“I Promised My Parents I’d Never Put Them in a Care Home”
Caregiving is a job that is full of ups and downs. Many of us take on this role out of love and concern, but as care needs increase, the pressure ramps up and we are faced with increasingly difficult care decisions. One of the most heart wrenching choices a family caregiver must make is whether to place a loved one in a nursing home.
Unrealistic Promises Complicate Caregiving
Back when our loved ones were younger and healthier, many of us promised in good faith that we would never put them in a nursing home. Doing so would be unthinkable—like abandoning them in their time of need. So, we naively pledge to care for them ourselves until the very end. We assure them that they’ll be able to live out their remaining years at home with family tending to their needs.
This is admirable yet unrealistic thinking. Recent research shows that the average duration of caregiving is a whopping 4.5 years. As time goes by and our loved ones’ care needs mount, we find ourselves spread thinner and thinner. Eventually, we are forced to admit that we can’t raise our families, work our jobs, care for ourselves, and provide full-time hands-on care over the long term. So, we regretfully start looking into other options. They need more care than we can singlehandedly provide, so we start by making some kind of change to their care plan such as hiring in-home care or enrolling them in adult day care.
There are plenty of benefits to home care and adult day programs. Seniors get the care, supervision and social interaction they need to thrive. The activity programming is far more stimulating than can be provided at home, and you get some valuable respite time away from caregiving. Yet this care doesn’t completely halt a senior’s decline. Unfortunately, the day comes when in-home care and adult day care either can’t meet all their needs or the cost…
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Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.
Darlene Fuchs, Author of Get in the Boat”: Your shared stories are deeply moving and relatable, reflecting the varied emotions and challenges of caregiving for aging loved ones. “Minding Our Elders” serves as a poignant and invaluable resource, offering support and connection to caregivers on their journey.
