Mother’s Decision to Refuse Potential Dialysis Worries Daughter
Dear Carol: I moved my 76-year-old mother in with me after her early memory loss diagnosis. Mom has multiple health problems, but the worst is progressive kidney disease. Her overall health disqualifies her for a transplant. When I asked her if she’d permit dialysis if the doctor recommended it, she said no. I’ve stressed the seriousness of not getting dialysis if that time comes, but she hates doctors and medical procedures and remains adamant. Her doctor said I’m getting ahead of myself, but I’m her Power of Attorney (PoA) for health care, so decisions will all be on me. I’m terrified that she’ll suffer horribly with no treatment. Can you offer some advice or comfort? – PF
Dear PF: One of the toughest parts of caregiving is that we may have to make potentially life and death decisions for people we love. Hard as it is, I’m convinced you’re up to the task and will make decisions based on prior knowledge of your mom’s wishes. Considering possible future dialysis, your mom’s doctor may be right that you’re getting ahead of yourself. Yet, I understand your need to know what she’d want in every…
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Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.
An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart! …Ann Campanella
