Caregiver Requests Tips for Family Visiting Mother in Memory Care

Dear Carol: My family is having a reunion in August. I’m concerned because several members of my extended family want to visit my mom in memory care. While the idea is well-meant, it’s obvious that they know nothing about communicating with someone with dementia. Mom wouldn’t recognize them at the best of times, and visitors make her anxious, so she’ll be at her worst. They mean well, so I think if I sent a group email with some tips on visiting someone like Mom, they’ll take it in the right spirit. Can you help? Thank you! – DS

Dear DS: Good work! Even with all you have to do, you’re thinking ahead as an advocate. Sharing some tips should help everyone have a better visit. Here are my thoughts:

Ask them to plan on visiting alone, or with just one other person. Several people at once can create confusion and anxiety.

Since your mom is unlikely to recognize them, each of them should greet her with a smile and make eye contact as they introduce themselves. Remind them to keep it simple, with something like “Hi Grandma! I’m your grandson, Ryan. I haven’t seen you in a while, so I’ve probably changed.” Remind them that she’ll likely forget their names, but this still helps place them in her life.

Don’t say, “Do you remember?” She may not remember the incident they are referring to, or she may…

Continue reading on Inforum for more tips on visiting people in memory care:

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“An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart!” …Ann C