Sibling Pressures Caregiver to Take Mom Home to Save Money on Care
Dear Carol: I’m a middle-aged single woman who only wants the best for her mom. Six months ago, she moved to assisted living because, while she’s doing well with her general health, she is forgetful and is afraid to live alone. At the time of her move, I lived 500 miles away. Now, due to a job change, I live near Mom. She has friends and feels secure in her new home, but I still feel better that I can visit often and watch over her care. The glitch is that since I live close to Mom, my brother thinks I should take her to live with me. He says all “those places” are terrible and she’s not safe. This is suspect, since he seemed fine with her move until I told him how much her care costs. Mom is financially well set for the care she’ll need long-term. I know my brother, and he’s always short on funds, so he’s counting on an inheritance. I’m Mom’s Power of Attorney. How do I handle this conflict? – KL
Dear KL: I wish I could say that this kind of family turmoil is unusual, but it’s not. While most people with parents who can afford assisted living are happy if that’s their choice, facility care is enormously expensive. Some, like your brother, would rather see the parent live with a family member since they view this as a cheaper alternative, potentially leaving money to inherit. Of course, they are rarely the person…
Discover the Difference. EGOSAN: The premium incontinence brand caregivers love – Now Available on Amazon.
Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders, e-mail Carol
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “An inspiring read for caregivers! Minding Our Elders is a series of stories about caregiving. But it is much more than that. It’s a book that helps us view aging and community through the lens of someone well versed in eldercare. Author Carol Bradley Bursack has been a caregiver for a neighbor and six elderly members of her family. These experiences made her the perfect person to interview and share the stories of friends and acquaintances. Through crisp writing and a sharp focus, we enter the lives of those struggling to care for loved ones with dementia and other age-related illnesses. As I read Minding Our Elders, I felt myself filling up with both appreciation and admiration for those who adopt the caregiving role. In addition, I was struck with the inherent value Carol sees in our elders. This is a well-written book that will stir your heart!” …Ann C
