Siblings Who Care More About Their Inheritance Than Mom and Dad’s Care
“We don’t want strangers taking care of Mom!”
“We promised Dad he would never have to go to a nursing home!”
“If you really love Mom and Dad, you should be able to keep caring for them at home!”
Ah, siblings. Some are a joy—our very first and forever friends in life. Others are more of a nuisance, a source of drama that comes and goes over the years. But when a parent falls ill or needs additional help as they age, these family relationships are truly put to the test.
Some adult children work seamlessly together to find the best care solutions for their aging parents. However, some siblings don’t contribute at all, leaving the heavy lifting, sacrifices, and difficult care decisions up to one adult child, often the eldest daughter. Still others are involved sporadically, only deigning to give their opinions when pricey care decisions are on the line.
In the latter scenario, these siblings disapprove of respite, are suspicious of outside caregivers, and demand to keep their parents’ bills low. They don’t want to entertain the thought of hiring in-home care or moving Mom or Dad to a senior living facility because outside care is expensive. To make matters worse, they wholly oppose paying a fair wage to their siblings who have taken on the role of primary caregiver.
When siblings begin emphasizing cost reduction strategies and encouraging the provision of unpaid care, primary caregivers usually reach an unfortunate realization: these family members are not interested in what is best for their parents or even what is fair to them as carers. The driving factor is preserving Mom and Dad’s wealth in the hopes of receiving an inheritance.
A Caregiver’s Experience Weighing the Costs of Quality Care
While I didn’t have to battle my own siblings over money, I know first-hand what happens to an aging parent’s savings when their needs increase, and in-home care or senior living must be considered. As a family, we wanted the best possible care for our parents. For much of the time, I was capable of providing that hands-on attention and supervision. However, the time came when a nursing home was the only option, first for my father and then for my mother.
Even after their placement in a local nursing home, I was still their primary caregiver. I visited with them every day, made sure their wants and needs were personally taken care of, and was their advocate and watchdog. My parents were fortunate that they had saved enough money over the years to pay privately for both of their rooms in the facility. The downside for…
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