Top 3 Excuses From Siblings Who Don’t Help With Caregiving
Unfair as it may seem, even in families with many adult children, one sibling usually becomes the primary caregiver for their aging parents. In many families, such as mine, this person is the one who lives the closest to the parents and/or is most suited for the task of caregiving. In my case, I fit both criteria. But this didn’t keep my sister, who lived about 50 miles away, from coming to town nearly every weekend to visit with our parents and lend a hand. However, in some families, this relatively short distance would be enough of an excuse for some siblings to justify helping minimally and infrequently.
Many caregivers ask how to respond to siblings who, after being directly and distinctly asked for help, either skirt responsibility with excuses or react nastily to the request. The proper response will depend entirely on the sibling and the nature of the family relationship. Let’s look at a few examples and contemplate responses. Perhaps these can inspire other ideas for how to handle your unique circumstances.
Reasons Why Siblings Won’t Help With Elderly Parents
Excuse #1: “I Don’t Have the Time”
This is probably the most commonly used reason for not pitching in. While it may seem innocent enough at first, this statement implies that you, the primary caregiver, have all the time in the world.
What many non-caregivers do not understand is that this responsibility can grow from running a few errands each week into a full-time job in the blink of an eye. Primary care providers often have to quit paying jobs, turn down promotions, and miss their kids’ events, games, and performances in order to be available to care for an aging parent. These caregivers also place their own well-being on the back burner to ensure their care recipient, family and career are not neglected. From the outside, it may look as though caregivers have the time, but in most cases, they have made the time—often through great personal sacrifice.
Having the time is also relative in that caregiving is physically and emotionally a 24/7 job. All caregivers need respite—a break from the constant stress of being the ONE person responsible for everything. Siblings could provide that relief, either in person or by offering…
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose…I don’t want it to end.” …Craig William Dayton, Film Composer
Discover the Difference. EGOSAN – the Top-Rated incontinence brand from Italy. Now Available on Amazon.
Support a caregiver or jump-start discussion in support groups with real stories – for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol
