Mistakes to Avoid When Caregiving for Someone Living with Alzheimer’s
Most of us who have cared for someone living with dementia of any type, whether that is Alzheimer’s (AD), Lewy body dementia (LBD), frontotemporal (FTD), vascular (VD), or something else, have tried our best to determine how best to provide that care. We research. We try putting ourselves in their place. We do our best to be patient because we understand that they can’t help having the disease. Still, we are human, and we make mistakes. While we shouldn’t wallow in guilt when we do make mistakes as a care partner, there are situations that we should try extra hard to avoid.
- Insisting you are right because, well, you know better. You don’t have dementia. This rule against arguing is something that most of us know, but it’s not always easy to remember, especially if we’re worn out from caregiving. People living with dementia (PLWD) have an increasingly limited ability to understand the world as we see it. Therefore, we need to learn to see the world from their view. When we do this, we don’t argue if they say that they haven’t eaten all day, even though lunch was an hour ago. We just say, “Really? Then we’d better get you a snack.”
- Expecting everyone with dementia – or even everyone with dementia of the Alzheimer’s type – to be the same. Your uncle’s trajectory with the disease will be different than your dad’s or your friend’s husband. Everyone with dementia is as much an individual as everyone who doesn’t have dementia. Yes, there are guidelines and behaviors to watch for, but each person will respond differently. Remember, too, that each day will be different. Some days are easier than others. That’s the nature of dementia caregiving.
- Never shame anyone with dementia. They can’t help their behavior. Shaming is rarely a good reaction toward anyone, but it’s especially egregious when the person cannot help their behavior. Redirect. Distract. Lovingly find out what’s wrong. Just don’t shame.
- Treating people living with dementia like children. This type of behavior can be sneaky because our care partner needs us to speak more slowly. More simply. More carefully. That does not mean that we should talk down to them.
Stripping people living with dementia of their dignity by doing everything for them. Honor what they can do rather than stress what they can’t do. Work with them. Allow as much autonomy as reasonable. There are times…
Helpful Tools:
Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.
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