Examine Your Motives Before Pushing Healthy Parents to Make Changes
Dear Carol: Last Christmas, my siblings and I discussed the need for our parents to downsize. We recognize that they are still healthy, but they’re getting older, and a large house means significant expenses and upkeep. They say that they’ve lived in this house for decades and love it. They are staying. We’d hoped they’d eventually see the light, but fall is around the corner, with no buy-in, no action, and no plan. They stubbornly claim they’d rather hire help when needed so they can stay in their home. We argue that if they can afford to hire help for their home, they could just as easily afford independent living with an option to have assisted living when needed. Back and forth and back and forth we go, but they stay stuck. How can we continue to encourage the idea of our parents downsizing without having them dig in due to what we see as overwhelm or even nostalgia? – PS
Dear PS: I’ll go back to my oft-repeated mantra that you mean well, but you’re likely overstepping. Try to honestly examine your own motives, since some of what mid-life adults push their parents to do is grounded in self-interest. They want to make life easier for their upcoming role as potential caregivers. I’m not saying this is wrong, or…
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