When a Person with Dementia Says, ‘I Just Want to Go Home’

“I want to go home.”

Nearly every dementia caregiver has heard this heartbreaking plea from their loved one. They may already be at home, or they may be struggling to accept their new surroundings after a move to long-term care, but this simple statement is still jarring. Home means different things for different people, but dementia tends to take this concept to a new and confusing extreme.

How Dementia Can Skew Perception of Time and Place

It’s fairly well accepted by dementia experts that the “home” most elders wish to return to is their childhood home. In the later stages of Alzheimer’s disease, for instance, it is thought that a senior may tap into remaining memories from long ago and revert to a younger period in their minds. The passage of time becomes confusing and overwhelming, so they seem to crave the familiarity of their family home or call out for long-deceased family members and friends as a source of comfort.

Remember that not every case of dementia is the same. My parents each had different forms of cognitive impairment, but fortunately, they never asked me to go home. However, since I was a daily visitor at the nursing home where they both resided, I did hear this plea from many other residents. I didn’t even know some of the people, but it was upsetting nonetheless. Of course, most of these people had Alzheimer’s disease.

Handling a Senior’s Pleas to Go Home
Members of the AgingCare Caregiver Forum often ask how to handle these requests to go home. Many people initially take this desire at face value, especially from loved ones who are living in long-term care facilities. But it’s important to understand that giving in to these appeals is not guaranteed to be successful.

Many families struggle with the decision to move their loved ones out of senior living and in with them, but this rarely pans out. Although the move makes sense logically, elders in the middle and late stages of dementia do not handle change well. It’s probable this person would become agitated and disoriented by yet another move and would still not consider it…

Helpful Tools:

Stay connected with Memoryboard: Designed by caregivers. Memoryboard helps families share reminders, messages, updates, and photos on an easy-to-use screen designed for people with dementia. Peace of mind for families, independence for loved ones.

Wetness indicator and alert to help manage incontinence with dignity. SenecaSense Home: Discreet Support That Restores Comfort and Confidence

Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, has opened up support! View two free caregiving webinars that can help you help your older parents (and yourself).

Discover the Difference. EGOSAN: The premium incontinence brand caregivers love: They save work! Now Available on Amazon.

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories: “…This book is for all of us; let it help you cope! Thank you to the author and everyone she spoke with!” …Dolores